The Death of My Youth

It's always been easy to convince myself that i'm still young. I mean, i'm only as old as I feel right? and to be honest, I still feel like i'm 18 or 19... most days. (not the days where i wake up and my back hurts, and i stretch out my leg and it pops in 15 places) But most other days.

Yes, it's easy to convince myself of this, but when other age revealing clues start making themselves known, you kind of realize you might have to face the facts. Unfortunately that time has come and i've had a rude awakening as of late.

(Obviously this is not me, but I feel like it accurately portrays my feelings of finding gray hairs)

Two times, yes, two times, in the last two months, i've looked in the mirror, and had that scary/annoying looking wiry hair poking out of the side of my head--you know the one i'm talking about... it's that thick piece of gray hair. Sadly it sticks out like a sore thumb amongst the otherwise very dark expanse of hair i have coating the rest of my head, there's no way for it to hide. Each time i've quickly plucked it out, and tried to forget about it--those two times don't even include the time my roommate so kindly pointed out another one on my head, while sitting in church one Sunday. I believe her exact comment was

"wow, when you go gray, you won't be able to straighten your hair anymore, cause this little guy poking out is curly." I of course scowled at her, then immediately told her to pluck it out.

Basically what i'm saying is, the mirror doesn't lie. I'm getting old. Old age is coming... I can feel it, just like I can feel the colder weather of winter already approaching even though it's only September. I can try to avoid it, but inevitably it will happen.

Next thing you know i'll be complaining about the loudness of the radio, yelling at those darn kids to stop running past my house, or eating dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon. Yikes.

My youth is gone. It was fun while it lasted...

Thoughts

I know, it's been forever, i'm not great at this blogging thing.

Things on my mind right now:

1. Going to the park on a Sunday afternoon to read, write in my journal, take a nap, or just lay on my back staring up through the trees is my favorite way to spend the afternoon.

2. The more you love someone, the more disappointed you are when they make bad decisions.

3. Sometimes it’s okay to take a small break from being social, to have a few hours of quality Adrienne time—time with just myself. Take a breath and sort out my life.

4. If you play with fire, you will most inevitably get burned. Yes, at times it’s fun and exciting, but eventually the burn hurts.

5. I’m excited that Fall is well on its way. I love this time of year, and I love football. I’m not so excited that it will start to get cold. I’m not ready for cold temps, and I’m not even remotely ready for snow.

6. Good-byes are the worst. It's been like 4 weeks since my little brother went into the MTC. I'm doing okay, i miss him, but luckily i'm very happy he's on a mission and know he's doing the right thing. I don't like good-byes though. I'm not a cryer, but hugging him good-bye left me choked up, with tears falling down my face. I really don't like good-byes in general, I know it's horrible, but sometimes I would rather just slip out, without having to say good-bye, and then be gone long before anyone knows--then i don't have to say good-bye. Is that so wrong? Kind of a cop-out, i know. Just a thought.

7. Did I mention I love football? :) so excited for it.

that's all.

A Time Machine?

From a few of my other posts, you know that I love music, I listen to it all the time, and love discovering new songs.

Another reason I like music? It can almost act as a time machine for me. I hear a song and it takes me back to the first time I heard it, to a happier time, or to any number of experiences or memories attached to hearing that distinct song.

Yesterday as my iPod was shuffling through music on my way to work, a song with particularly painful memories attached to it slipped on. I was about to change it, but something held me back, and I listened. I was immediately transported back to a time months ago--I was sitting in the car with a guy I was dating at the time, we were in a parking garage, and he was playing me this song for the first time. He was explaining how it was his all time favorite, and had me listen to all of the words, laying out to me the importance of the words to him.

I was amazed at how extraordinarily detailed this memory was I could actually smell his car air freshener, I could see the earnestness in his eyes as he tried to portray the meaning of this song, and I could feel the ache in my own heart realizing it was just a memory.

This was the first time I’d allowed myself to listen to this song since things ended with this guy, things had not ended well between us, and it was just too painful to listen to. All the other times before I had skipped right over it. D@#n that iPod shuffle for pulling it up as much as it did. :)

I’m really glad I stopped it this time to listen--as it played, I not only remembered the painful memories, but I started to remember good one’s as well. I pulled myself out of that parking garage, and back to my car. I found myself smiling while listening to the words, and realizing that it wasn’t really painful. Things change and happen for a reason, they get better and you move on. By the end of the song I was singing along to it.

As the last two lines of the song played, and then faded out, I couldn’t help smiling at the appropriateness of them.

‘And so it goes…. And so it goes…’

This time my ‘Music Time Machine’ helped to heal my heart a little.